This last week, on the 21st of June, we had Summer Solstice, that is to say, the first day of summer and also the longest day of the year. How long that day is depends upon at what latitude you live at. If you live down on the Equator (the good Lord help you then), there's not any difference from any other day of the year. But the further north, or south, you go, the difference becomes more noticeable. Here in Gateshead, England, my home is exactly 4.4 miles south of the 55 degrees North latitude and the difference is much larger than I ever experienced back home in NW Georgia. Here, the sun rose at 4:27 am or there abouts, being that I live less than 10 miles from the North Sea. And it sat at 9:48 pm that evening! Not only that, but when it rises and sets at this time of the year, it's not more than 20 degrees or so from the North Pole on either side. That means that if I were up at 4:30 in the morning (and that's a mighty BIG if), I'd almost be looking north to see the sunrise.
Last night (June 26th), Rebecca and I watched it set just to the left of directly north by about the same difference. Now seeings how I majored in mathematics at one college and minored in it at another university, well that is until I failed Calculus 4 years running, I figured that we only got about 5 and a half hours of darkness that night of the 21st. Truth be known, it doesn't really get dark at night up here at this time of year. It gets to a faint twilight before it starts getting brighter before sunrise. That's mighty strange to this ole Georgia Boy!!! Back home, it'd at least get completely dark for a few hours before the next day came around. But right now, up here, it's not a good time for amateur astronomers because we like really dark nights for good seeing conditions.
And the same thing, only in the opposite way, happens on December 21st, Winter Solstice. The sun doesn't rise until 8:28 am and sets at 3:40 pm! When I went in to work during that time last year, it was completely dark when I got on the bus to go to work and it would have been dark for almost 2 hours by the time Rebecca would pick me up when I got off from work. It seemed like it was dark all the time! It just didn't seem natural at all. As you might guess, they have a higher than normal percentage of people that suffer from Seasonal Affective Disorder, a type of depression brought on by not getting enough sunlight.
Speaking of living so far north, you know, it doesn't get as cold here as you would think. This last winter, I think the lowest temperature I experienced was about 23 degrees Fahrenheit. And as I remember it, we went a week without any cloud cover or any wind at night that time, and where the sun didn't shine, the frost got to be about an inch to an inch and a half thick over the week. At that time of the year, the sun doesn't get very high in the sky, so that left a lot of territory covered in frost for a while, and it accumulated as the week passed. Now that was strange!
Friday 27 June 2008
Wednesday 25 June 2008
Sir Charles Parsons and the Turbinia
Last week, I took opportunity to go visit the Discovery Museum across the river, in Newcastle. It was an excellent choice because:
1. It is free.
2. I had to stay in the area so as to be able to pick up Rebecca and Emily who were working at the local Green Fair (all eco-friendly and Fair Trade stuff) just a few blocks up the road.
There, I got to finally see one of the ships that changed history because of its revolutionary technology, the Turbinia! The Turbinia, built by Sir Charles Parsons in Newcastle, was the very first vessel to be powered by steam turbines. The impact that Sir Charles Parsons had upon the world with his work on steam turbines has yet to be fairly evaluated, I think.
Sir Charles came from a wealthy and titled family, and as such, he was able to take advantage of much of the very best education offered in England at that time. After he graduated with a first-class honors degree in Mathematics, Sir Charles moved to Newcastle to join the W. G. Armstrong engineering firm, noted for their excellence in hydraulics, bridge and ship building. He gained experience there and at three other engineering companies before starting his own business, C. A. Parsons and Company in 1889. But it was while he was working for one of his former employers that he developed the axial steam turbine in 1884 which he immediately used to drive an electrical generator he had just invented. His new company started developing steam turbine driven electric generators to his designs and improvements. By 1894, Sir Charles was able to regain certain patents from his former employer, Clarke, Chapman & Co. Subsequently, he set up the Parsons Marine Steam Company in Newcastle.
The design he came up with is quite simple; instead of using steam to push pistons as
was the norm in that day, he used high pressure steam to pass through hundreds of turbine blades mounted on a shaft, which turned at high speed driving whatever device which was attached to the output shaft. Today, we find the principle and technology quite simple and it has become ubiquitous in many areas of technology today. Almost all electrical generating plants throughout the world use steam turbines to turn generators! The exceptions would be those utilizing renewable resources such as hydroelectric dams or wind mill generators.
Apparently, for years, Sir Charles had been experimenting with hull designs that would create the least amount of hydraulic drag, thus increasing speed and efficiency of the vessel. When Parsons set up his Marine Steam Co., he had very much in mind of melding together his ideas of hull design with his new power system which had matured a gre
at deal in the ten years since he first invented it. The Turbinia, the result of all this, was built the same year, 1894. As you can see, it has a very slender hull, only 9 feet wide at its widest point, and was 103 feet 9 inches overall. And because Parsons used thinner hull plating than was usual for a ship of this size, and other weight saving designs, she drew only 3 feet of water. To this date, very few sea vessels have used such a hull design. The only ones of any note were the Iowa class battleships which were very long and slender for their displacement (water displacement means weight). But they still did not approach the Turbinia. I find this quite strange because the hull design and shape was one of the main reasons for the fantastic speed and efficiency of the Turbinia. In some ways, Parsons was as meticulous and ahead of his time in his designs as the Wright Brothers were just a few years later. He even invented something similar to a wind tunnel to measure the efficiency of the propellers on the Turbinia. This is called the Cavitation Tunnel, a device still used today for the same purpose. Ultimately, based upon data from this, Sir Charles decided to go with a three-stage axial flow turbine driving 3 propeller shafts [instead of the normal 1 shaft], each with 3 radically new designed propellers per shaft. All this enabled the Turbinia to achieve a top speed of over 34 knots - close to 40 miles per hour! And this was at a time when a ship was considered to be extremely fast if it could approach 20 knots!
Three years later, on June 26th of 1897, during Queen Victoria's Diamond Jubilee Review at Spithead, the Royal Navy planned on putting on quite a display of all it's might by parading many of it's ships, ranging from it's most powerful battleships of the day to the newly developed destroyer class of ships and it's speedy torpedo boats. The display was to impress upon the world (and the thousands of local and foreign visitors) the invincible might of the Royal Navy. What they hadn't planned on was for someone to turn up unannounced and show up everybody. As an audacious publicity stunt the Turbinia, which was much faster than all other ships of the time, raced between the two lines of large ships and steamed up and down in front of the crowd and princes with impunity, while easily evading a Navy picket boat that tried to stop it, indeed almost swamping it with its wake.
Indeed, the Admiralty took notice of the potential of the technological demonstration, invited or not, and 8 years later, launched the HMS Dreadnought! The Dreadnought was revolutionary in two ways; first, she was the first battleship to use a main battery of big guns of the same size and caliber (something never done before), and second, she used Parsons steam turbines to make it the fastest battleship in the world. Both of these advances so revolutionized battleship technology that it immediately made all other battleships of the world obsolete. All battleships built using the same principles there after are known as dreadnoughts!
Today, most of your big ships are run using steam turbines similar to the designs of Sir Charles Parsons, using either oil or nuclear power to run the boilers. In my estimation, the Turbinia is just as important and revolutionary as the very first successful steam ship (different people claim to have built it), the USS Nautilus, the first nuclear powered sea vessel and the USS Albacore - the first submarine to utilize the now famous cigar-shaped hulls of all modern day submarines.
Another important offshoot of Parson's steam turbine was to be used some 40 years later when it was adapted for aviation as the Jet Engine. Whereas the steam turbine utilizes steam generated in a separate boiler, the jet engine generates it's own energy with combustion between the front and back sets of turbines. When you think of what a revolution the jet engine provided for aviation and air travel, it boggles the mind! On any day where there is blue sky, just look up and see how many contrails you can see or high flying airliners there are up there. Now let's come full circle. Take a wild guess at what many of the navies of the major nations are utilizing to power many of their surface ships . . . that's right, the jet engine! The first ship to use jet engines as her main power source was the USS Spruance, an anti-submarine destroyer launched in 1972. She had 4 General Electric LM2500 gas turbine engines generating 80,000 shaft horse power that could push her 8000 tons or so to slightly over 32 knots, almost as fast as the Turbinia.
1. It is free.
2. I had to stay in the area so as to be able to pick up Rebecca and Emily who were working at the local Green Fair (all eco-friendly and Fair Trade stuff) just a few blocks up the road.
There, I got to finally see one of the ships that changed history because of its revolutionary technology, the Turbinia! The Turbinia, built by Sir Charles Parsons in Newcastle, was the very first vessel to be powered by steam turbines. The impact that Sir Charles Parsons had upon the world with his work on steam turbines has yet to be fairly evaluated, I think.
Sir Charles came from a wealthy and titled family, and as such, he was able to take advantage of much of the very best education offered in England at that time. After he graduated with a first-class honors degree in Mathematics, Sir Charles moved to Newcastle to join the W. G. Armstrong engineering firm, noted for their excellence in hydraulics, bridge and ship building. He gained experience there and at three other engineering companies before starting his own business, C. A. Parsons and Company in 1889. But it was while he was working for one of his former employers that he developed the axial steam turbine in 1884 which he immediately used to drive an electrical generator he had just invented. His new company started developing steam turbine driven electric generators to his designs and improvements. By 1894, Sir Charles was able to regain certain patents from his former employer, Clarke, Chapman & Co. Subsequently, he set up the Parsons Marine Steam Company in Newcastle.
The design he came up with is quite simple; instead of using steam to push pistons as
was the norm in that day, he used high pressure steam to pass through hundreds of turbine blades mounted on a shaft, which turned at high speed driving whatever device which was attached to the output shaft. Today, we find the principle and technology quite simple and it has become ubiquitous in many areas of technology today. Almost all electrical generating plants throughout the world use steam turbines to turn generators! The exceptions would be those utilizing renewable resources such as hydroelectric dams or wind mill generators.Apparently, for years, Sir Charles had been experimenting with hull designs that would create the least amount of hydraulic drag, thus increasing speed and efficiency of the vessel. When Parsons set up his Marine Steam Co., he had very much in mind of melding together his ideas of hull design with his new power system which had matured a gre
at deal in the ten years since he first invented it. The Turbinia, the result of all this, was built the same year, 1894. As you can see, it has a very slender hull, only 9 feet wide at its widest point, and was 103 feet 9 inches overall. And because Parsons used thinner hull plating than was usual for a ship of this size, and other weight saving designs, she drew only 3 feet of water. To this date, very few sea vessels have used such a hull design. The only ones of any note were the Iowa class battleships which were very long and slender for their displacement (water displacement means weight). But they still did not approach the Turbinia. I find this quite strange because the hull design and shape was one of the main reasons for the fantastic speed and efficiency of the Turbinia. In some ways, Parsons was as meticulous and ahead of his time in his designs as the Wright Brothers were just a few years later. He even invented something similar to a wind tunnel to measure the efficiency of the propellers on the Turbinia. This is called the Cavitation Tunnel, a device still used today for the same purpose. Ultimately, based upon data from this, Sir Charles decided to go with a three-stage axial flow turbine driving 3 propeller shafts [instead of the normal 1 shaft], each with 3 radically new designed propellers per shaft. All this enabled the Turbinia to achieve a top speed of over 34 knots - close to 40 miles per hour! And this was at a time when a ship was considered to be extremely fast if it could approach 20 knots!Three years later, on June 26th of 1897, during Queen Victoria's Diamond Jubilee Review at Spithead, the Royal Navy planned on putting on quite a display of all it's might by parading many of it's ships, ranging from it's most powerful battleships of the day to the newly developed destroyer class of ships and it's speedy torpedo boats. The display was to impress upon the world (and the thousands of local and foreign visitors) the invincible might of the Royal Navy. What they hadn't planned on was for someone to turn up unannounced and show up everybody. As an audacious publicity stunt the Turbinia, which was much faster than all other ships of the time, raced between the two lines of large ships and steamed up and down in front of the crowd and princes with impunity, while easily evading a Navy picket boat that tried to stop it, indeed almost swamping it with its wake.
Indeed, the Admiralty took notice of the potential of the technological demonstration, invited or not, and 8 years later, launched the HMS Dreadnought! The Dreadnought was revolutionary in two ways; first, she was the first battleship to use a main battery of big guns of the same size and caliber (something never done before), and second, she used Parsons steam turbines to make it the fastest battleship in the world. Both of these advances so revolutionized battleship technology that it immediately made all other battleships of the world obsolete. All battleships built using the same principles there after are known as dreadnoughts!
Today, most of your big ships are run using steam turbines similar to the designs of Sir Charles Parsons, using either oil or nuclear power to run the boilers. In my estimation, the Turbinia is just as important and revolutionary as the very first successful steam ship (different people claim to have built it), the USS Nautilus, the first nuclear powered sea vessel and the USS Albacore - the first submarine to utilize the now famous cigar-shaped hulls of all modern day submarines.
Another important offshoot of Parson's steam turbine was to be used some 40 years later when it was adapted for aviation as the Jet Engine. Whereas the steam turbine utilizes steam generated in a separate boiler, the jet engine generates it's own energy with combustion between the front and back sets of turbines. When you think of what a revolution the jet engine provided for aviation and air travel, it boggles the mind! On any day where there is blue sky, just look up and see how many contrails you can see or high flying airliners there are up there. Now let's come full circle. Take a wild guess at what many of the navies of the major nations are utilizing to power many of their surface ships . . . that's right, the jet engine! The first ship to use jet engines as her main power source was the USS Spruance, an anti-submarine destroyer launched in 1972. She had 4 General Electric LM2500 gas turbine engines generating 80,000 shaft horse power that could push her 8000 tons or so to slightly over 32 knots, almost as fast as the Turbinia.
Monday 9 June 2008
About being a Step Dad here in England
My dear and precious wife had some fun at my expense yesterday about my entry yesterday, in particular about my focus upon the women of North East England. :-) At the time, we had taken the time to take my step-daughter and her closest friend down to the beach [on the North Sea]. After sitting in the car with a most annoying allergy attack, you know the kind that keeps your eye watering and your nose dripping just enough to be a $&*@ nuisance, I was able to make some very interesting observations (so long as I could keep the tissue coming to keep my eyes dry enough to see). :-D
The young women of the North East are most willing to dress in the most provocative manners when frequenting the public places in the city no matter what time of the year. I have been amazed quite often at just how skimpy the young ladies will dress even in the coldest time of the winter and walk around in the shortest of shorts or skirts and barely there tops and no jacket, coat or even a sweater in sight. But at the beach, a man can search long and hard for bare legs or clothing suitable for working on a sun tan - only the most foolhardy would think of going swimming in the North Sea, for it is well named; cold no matter the time of year!
On this particular visit, amongst the very few ladies of any age who were dressed for what most folks back home in America would consider to be appropriate for the beach were my young step-daughter and her friend. They were both wearing nice (and what would be considered skimpy on a woman) bikinis and even stylish sarongs. This got me to thinking of what these two beautiful young girls will look like in similar attire in just a very few years. This then started me thinking along the lines of what my responsibilities will be in the very near future in regards to my step-daughter, whom as you can see in the picture, is quite beautiful even for a 10 year-old.
A couple of years ago, I attended for the last time for a long time to come, an annual event the North Georgia United Methodist Men put on, namely the largest annual weekend retreat of UMC Methodist Men. It is quite an experience to be part of a gathering of over a thousand like-minded Christian men every year! On this year in particular, 2006, Reverend Allen Stewart led a workshop on Father-Daughter Relationships. Since I was soon to become a step-dad, I felt it my duty to attend this most interesting workshop. Amongst other things, he taught us what our responsibility as fathers and step-fathers have towards the young girls in our wards when it comes to dating young men. The main concept he wanted to get across in this particular part of the workshop was that as fathers, it is our responsibility to make sure our daughters date and have relationships with not just any young men, but young men of good Christian and moral caliber!
There is the old joke that has been floating around the E-mail circuit for years called the 10 Rules for Dating My Daughter . . . which goes something like this:
1. If you pull up in my driveway and honk, you had better be delivering something because you certainly are not picking up my daughter (for a classic example of this, check out the movie, "The Quiet Man" starring John Wayne and Maureen O'Hara).
2. You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her so long as your eyes do not veer below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes hands off of my daughter's body, I WILL remove them!
3. I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, In order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.
4. I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you!!!
5. In order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. However, the only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is "early."
6. I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.
7. As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car? (On a personal note, my own step-daughter, even at the tender age of 10, has already mastered this art of making the process move at a glacial pace! :-D)
8. The following places are NOT appropriate for a date with my daughter: places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool; places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight; places where there is darkness; places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness; places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka zipped up to her throat. (Edward's note: Fat chance of this - see my statements on this in Paragraph 2 above.) Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which feature chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folk’s homes are better.
9. Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, grey-haired, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe! If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me!!! (There is an amendment to this rule down below)
10. Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a desert berm outside of Kuwait City. When my Desert Storm Syndrome starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early and then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine. (this one is one of my favorites. LOL)
Most of us with a decent sense of humor love passing these rules around, but there are grains of truth within these rules, namely that we, the fathers, should take our daughters relationships with young men very, very serious! As for Rule 9, here in the UK, you almost have to have a Title (you know, Lord So & So, Sir This & That. You get the idea) in order to be able to possess firearms such as a shotgun. As for the five acres of woods, nobody said that they had to be your five acres. LOL
While Dr. Stewart was going over the part of his workshop dealing with the teenage years of daughters and their relationships with young men, he kept walking around the room playing with a stainless steel instrument that most men are unfamiliar with. Finally at some point, someone stopped him in his presentation and asked him what it was that he had in his hand. He smiled quite big and said that in lieu of the above mentioned shotgun, he always made sure to have this instrument in a prominent place, preferably on the coffee table in the living room, along with a sheet of graphic instructions, and I do mean GRAPHIC, about the use of this instrument, a CASTRATION TOOL!!! If the young man waiting for his date to paint the Golden Gate Bridge . . . ahem, I mean get ready, didn't get the hint, Dr Stewart made sure that the prospective boyfriend knew what it was and that if he, the young man, didn't behave properly toward Dr. Stewart's daughter, Dr. Stewart was prepared to use it on the young man and that the said young man would never have to worry about inappropriate behavior with other women in his future!
My young Emily already knows that as soon as I can make arrangements with a certain friend of mine, Mike, who works at a hardware store that does indeed deal with castration tools like the one mentioned above back in Adairsville, Georgia , where I come from, I will get one shipped to me, I will get one. I am also going to find out where I can get a tee-shirt custom printed with the prominent title, "The Castrator!", I will get one to wear for appropriate occasions. Naturally, is horrified at the very idea that I will do this, but tough! I WILL make sure that she doesn't get entangled with the wrong kind of young man which can and most likely will lead to very unpleasant permanent results in HER life!
Rebecca and I are also going to try our level best to teach her that not to settle for second best when it comes to young men; that she should hold them to very high standards. I am of the belief that if all young women did this, the young men would respond by start living to the higher standards demanded by the young women. But we all know that there are many young women who either don't care about high standards because they don't high standards themselves or because they have very poor self-esteem and will simply get into a relationship with any young man who is willing to show her attention. This saddens me greatly! Our societies have done a most terrible job instilling into our young girls good self-esteems!!! The same can also be said of many young men too. I can attest to this personally because I have always struggled with self-esteem problems. My most dear wife, Rebecca has become one of the most powerful medicines God has chosen to help this area of my life!
Reverend Dr. Allen Stewart has given me permission to share with father interested in learning more about how to improve their relationships with their daughters three Power Point Presentations. Because he has invested a lot of time in research, personal learning with his own daughters and in preparing the presentations, he only asks that he be given credit whenever they are shared with others! I think this is only fair. If you would like copies of these presentations, please contact me and I will share them with you.
The young women of the North East are most willing to dress in the most provocative manners when frequenting the public places in the city no matter what time of the year. I have been amazed quite often at just how skimpy the young ladies will dress even in the coldest time of the winter and walk around in the shortest of shorts or skirts and barely there tops and no jacket, coat or even a sweater in sight. But at the beach, a man can search long and hard for bare legs or clothing suitable for working on a sun tan - only the most foolhardy would think of going swimming in the North Sea, for it is well named; cold no matter the time of year!
On this particular visit, amongst the very few ladies of any age who were dressed for what most folks back home in America would consider to be appropriate for the beach were my young step-daughter and her friend. They were both wearing nice (and what would be considered skimpy on a woman) bikinis and even stylish sarongs. This got me to thinking of what these two beautiful young girls will look like in similar attire in just a very few years. This then started me thinking along the lines of what my responsibilities will be in the very near future in regards to my step-daughter, whom as you can see in the picture, is quite beautiful even for a 10 year-old.
A couple of years ago, I attended for the last time for a long time to come, an annual event the North Georgia United Methodist Men put on, namely the largest annual weekend retreat of UMC Methodist Men. It is quite an experience to be part of a gathering of over a thousand like-minded Christian men every year! On this year in particular, 2006, Reverend Allen Stewart led a workshop on Father-Daughter Relationships. Since I was soon to become a step-dad, I felt it my duty to attend this most interesting workshop. Amongst other things, he taught us what our responsibility as fathers and step-fathers have towards the young girls in our wards when it comes to dating young men. The main concept he wanted to get across in this particular part of the workshop was that as fathers, it is our responsibility to make sure our daughters date and have relationships with not just any young men, but young men of good Christian and moral caliber!
There is the old joke that has been floating around the E-mail circuit for years called the 10 Rules for Dating My Daughter . . . which goes something like this:
1. If you pull up in my driveway and honk, you had better be delivering something because you certainly are not picking up my daughter (for a classic example of this, check out the movie, "The Quiet Man" starring John Wayne and Maureen O'Hara).
2. You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her so long as your eyes do not veer below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes hands off of my daughter's body, I WILL remove them!
3. I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, In order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.
4. I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you!!!
5. In order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. However, the only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is "early."
6. I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.
7. As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car? (On a personal note, my own step-daughter, even at the tender age of 10, has already mastered this art of making the process move at a glacial pace! :-D)
8. The following places are NOT appropriate for a date with my daughter: places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool; places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight; places where there is darkness; places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness; places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka zipped up to her throat. (Edward's note: Fat chance of this - see my statements on this in Paragraph 2 above.) Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which feature chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folk’s homes are better.
9. Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, grey-haired, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe! If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me!!! (There is an amendment to this rule down below)
10. Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a desert berm outside of Kuwait City. When my Desert Storm Syndrome starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early and then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine. (this one is one of my favorites. LOL)
Most of us with a decent sense of humor love passing these rules around, but there are grains of truth within these rules, namely that we, the fathers, should take our daughters relationships with young men very, very serious! As for Rule 9, here in the UK, you almost have to have a Title (you know, Lord So & So, Sir This & That. You get the idea) in order to be able to possess firearms such as a shotgun. As for the five acres of woods, nobody said that they had to be your five acres. LOL
While Dr. Stewart was going over the part of his workshop dealing with the teenage years of daughters and their relationships with young men, he kept walking around the room playing with a stainless steel instrument that most men are unfamiliar with. Finally at some point, someone stopped him in his presentation and asked him what it was that he had in his hand. He smiled quite big and said that in lieu of the above mentioned shotgun, he always made sure to have this instrument in a prominent place, preferably on the coffee table in the living room, along with a sheet of graphic instructions, and I do mean GRAPHIC, about the use of this instrument, a CASTRATION TOOL!!! If the young man waiting for his date to paint the Golden Gate Bridge . . . ahem, I mean get ready, didn't get the hint, Dr Stewart made sure that the prospective boyfriend knew what it was and that if he, the young man, didn't behave properly toward Dr. Stewart's daughter, Dr. Stewart was prepared to use it on the young man and that the said young man would never have to worry about inappropriate behavior with other women in his future!
My young Emily already knows that as soon as I can make arrangements with a certain friend of mine, Mike, who works at a hardware store that does indeed deal with castration tools like the one mentioned above back in Adairsville, Georgia , where I come from, I will get one shipped to me, I will get one. I am also going to find out where I can get a tee-shirt custom printed with the prominent title, "The Castrator!", I will get one to wear for appropriate occasions. Naturally, is horrified at the very idea that I will do this, but tough! I WILL make sure that she doesn't get entangled with the wrong kind of young man which can and most likely will lead to very unpleasant permanent results in HER life!
Rebecca and I are also going to try our level best to teach her that not to settle for second best when it comes to young men; that she should hold them to very high standards. I am of the belief that if all young women did this, the young men would respond by start living to the higher standards demanded by the young women. But we all know that there are many young women who either don't care about high standards because they don't high standards themselves or because they have very poor self-esteem and will simply get into a relationship with any young man who is willing to show her attention. This saddens me greatly! Our societies have done a most terrible job instilling into our young girls good self-esteems!!! The same can also be said of many young men too. I can attest to this personally because I have always struggled with self-esteem problems. My most dear wife, Rebecca has become one of the most powerful medicines God has chosen to help this area of my life!
Reverend Dr. Allen Stewart has given me permission to share with father interested in learning more about how to improve their relationships with their daughters three Power Point Presentations. Because he has invested a lot of time in research, personal learning with his own daughters and in preparing the presentations, he only asks that he be given credit whenever they are shared with others! I think this is only fair. If you would like copies of these presentations, please contact me and I will share them with you.
Sunday 8 June 2008
Now for some of the good things about the UK
People in the United States thinks that Hershey's Chocolate reigns supreme when it comes to chocolate off the store shelf. Well, they can't hold a candle to Cadbury's Chocolate! There just isn't any comparison. I wish Cadbury's had a bigger share of the market in the US!
A lot of folks back home don't hold too high of an opinion of English cuisine. I have yet to see a restaurant featuring English cuisine open up back in my part of the States. Well, I'm not going to get into a big debate about that except to say that Americans don't know nothin' about what REAL Fish & Chips is about! Son! I'm here to tell you that nobody does Fish & Chips better than the Brits, and that's a fact!!! Captain D's and Long John Silvers and all the other imitators idea of what Fish & Chips is supposed to be is a joke. You ain't had Fish & Chips until you get over here. Don't believe me? Ask any US Navy submariner (oh, while I'm at it, that's not pronounced "sub-marine-r," it's "sub-marrin-er"), who's served time at either Holy Lock or at Faslane Submarine bases near Glasgow, Scotland. They'll tell you that what I'm saying is the Gospel Truth! :-)
And here's something I've been told is more true of the Newcastle/Gateshead region than of other regions of England. The goddess per capita (that's the number of goddesses per 1000 people for those of you who don't know better) here has got to be a world record! Now, let me define what I mean by goddess: a woman or young lady whose beauty is something that is near supernatural. Now, all men have their own definition of what qualifies as supernatural beauty, but most all the men I've met here in the UK agree with me on my statement above.
Back in America, I would normally think in terms of goddesses per square mile. Over here, I think in terms of goddesses per square acre . . . or if I'm in the local mall, then I think in terms in terms of goddesses per square foot! And then there are the merely extraordinarily beautiful women scattered in amongst them. :-)
And those who don't qualify as goddesses here would put to shame goddesses in most other places! All I can say is that I sure am glad that I'm married and not a single man in this land of . . . well, I was going to say land of plenty, but that just scratches the surface. If you're a single man, ye just gotta come see it to believe it!!! And I'm talking about women from 18 up to whatever age interests you. Me? I've seen more than a few women up to nearly 10 years my senior that make me want to bow down in their presence and profess my unworthiness just to be in their presence. :-)
Fortunately for me, I've married the woman of my dreams and have no desire to switch her for one of the women around here! And I make sure that she knows it every single day we are together. She is the love of my life . . . and that's a fact written in stone!!! :-)
A lot of folks back home don't hold too high of an opinion of English cuisine. I have yet to see a restaurant featuring English cuisine open up back in my part of the States. Well, I'm not going to get into a big debate about that except to say that Americans don't know nothin' about what REAL Fish & Chips is about! Son! I'm here to tell you that nobody does Fish & Chips better than the Brits, and that's a fact!!! Captain D's and Long John Silvers and all the other imitators idea of what Fish & Chips is supposed to be is a joke. You ain't had Fish & Chips until you get over here. Don't believe me? Ask any US Navy submariner (oh, while I'm at it, that's not pronounced "sub-marine-r," it's "sub-marrin-er"), who's served time at either Holy Lock or at Faslane Submarine bases near Glasgow, Scotland. They'll tell you that what I'm saying is the Gospel Truth! :-)
And here's something I've been told is more true of the Newcastle/Gateshead region than of other regions of England. The goddess per capita (that's the number of goddesses per 1000 people for those of you who don't know better) here has got to be a world record! Now, let me define what I mean by goddess: a woman or young lady whose beauty is something that is near supernatural. Now, all men have their own definition of what qualifies as supernatural beauty, but most all the men I've met here in the UK agree with me on my statement above.
Back in America, I would normally think in terms of goddesses per square mile. Over here, I think in terms of goddesses per square acre . . . or if I'm in the local mall, then I think in terms in terms of goddesses per square foot! And then there are the merely extraordinarily beautiful women scattered in amongst them. :-)
And those who don't qualify as goddesses here would put to shame goddesses in most other places! All I can say is that I sure am glad that I'm married and not a single man in this land of . . . well, I was going to say land of plenty, but that just scratches the surface. If you're a single man, ye just gotta come see it to believe it!!! And I'm talking about women from 18 up to whatever age interests you. Me? I've seen more than a few women up to nearly 10 years my senior that make me want to bow down in their presence and profess my unworthiness just to be in their presence. :-)
Fortunately for me, I've married the woman of my dreams and have no desire to switch her for one of the women around here! And I make sure that she knows it every single day we are together. She is the love of my life . . . and that's a fact written in stone!!! :-)
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