About being a Step Dad here in England

My dear and precious wife had some fun at my expense yesterday about my entry yesterday, in particular about my focus upon the women of North East England. :-) At the time, we had taken the time to take my step-daughter and her closest friend down to the beach [on the North Sea]. After sitting in the car with a most annoying allergy attack, you know the kind that keeps your eye watering and your nose dripping just enough to be a $&*@ nuisance, I was able to make some very interesting observations (so long as I could keep the tissue coming to keep my eyes dry enough to see). :-D

The young women of the North East are most willing to dress in the most provocative manners when frequenting the public places in the city no matter what time of the year. I have been amazed quite often at just how skimpy the young ladies will dress even in the coldest time of the winter and walk around in the shortest of shorts or skirts and barely there tops and no jacket, coat or even a sweater in sight. But at the beach, a man can search long and hard for bare legs or clothing suitable for working on a sun tan - only the most foolhardy would think of going swimming in the North Sea, for it is well named; cold no matter the time of year!

On this particular visit, amongst the very few ladies of any age who were dressed for what most folks back home in America would consider to be appropriate for the beach were my young step-daughter and her friend. They were both wearing nice (and what would be considered skimpy on a woman) bikinis and even stylish sarongs. This got me to thinking of what these two beautiful young girls will look like in similar attire in just a very few years. This then started me thinking along the lines of what my responsibilities will be in the very near future in regards to my step-daughter, whom as you can see in the picture, is quite beautiful even for a 10 year-old.

A couple of years ago, I attended for the last time for a long time to come, an annual event the North Georgia United Methodist Men put on, namely the largest annual weekend retreat of UMC Methodist Men. It is quite an experience to be part of a gathering of over a thousand like-minded Christian men every year! On this year in particular, 2006, Reverend Allen Stewart led a workshop on Father-Daughter Relationships. Since I was soon to become a step-dad, I felt it my duty to attend this most interesting workshop. Amongst other things, he taught us what our responsibility as fathers and step-fathers have towards the young girls in our wards when it comes to dating young men. The main concept he wanted to get across in this particular part of the workshop was that as fathers, it is our responsibility to make sure our daughters date and have relationships with not just any young men, but young men of good Christian and moral caliber!

There is the old joke that has been floating around the E-mail circuit for years called the 10 Rules for Dating My Daughter . . . which goes something like this:

1. If you pull up in my driveway and honk, you had better be delivering something because you certainly are not picking up my daughter (for a classic example of this, check out the movie, "The Quiet Man" starring John Wayne and Maureen O'Hara).

2. You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her so long as your eyes do not veer below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes hands off of my daughter's body, I WILL remove them!

3. I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, In order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

4. I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you!!!

5. In order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. However, the only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is "early."

6. I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

7. As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car? (On a personal note, my own step-daughter, even at the tender age of 10, has already mastered this art of making the process move at a glacial pace! :-D)

8. The following places are NOT appropriate for a date with my daughter: places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool; places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight; places where there is darkness; places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness; places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka zipped up to her throat. (Edward's note: Fat chance of this - see my statements on this in Paragraph 2 above.) Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which feature chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folk’s homes are better.

9. Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, grey-haired, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe! If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me!!! (There is an amendment to this rule down below)

10. Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a desert berm outside of Kuwait City. When my Desert Storm Syndrome starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early and then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine. (this one is one of my favorites. LOL)

Most of us with a decent sense of humor love passing these rules around, but there are grains of truth within these rules, namely that we, the fathers, should take our daughters relationships with young men very, very serious! As for Rule 9, here in the UK, you almost have to have a Title (you know, Lord So & So, Sir This & That. You get the idea) in order to be able to possess firearms such as a shotgun. As for the five acres of woods, nobody said that they had to be your five acres. LOL

While Dr. Stewart was going over the part of his workshop dealing with the teenage years of daughters and their relationships with young men, he kept walking around the room playing with a stainless steel instrument that most men are unfamiliar with. Finally at some point, someone stopped him in his presentation and asked him what it was that he had in his hand. He smiled quite big and said that in lieu of the above mentioned shotgun, he always made sure to have this instrument in a prominent place, preferably on the coffee table in the living room, along with a sheet of graphic instructions, and I do mean GRAPHIC, about the use of this instrument, a CASTRATION TOOL!!! If the young man waiting for his date to paint the Golden Gate Bridge . . . ahem, I mean get ready, didn't get the hint, Dr Stewart made sure that the prospective boyfriend knew what it was and that if he, the young man, didn't behave properly toward Dr. Stewart's daughter, Dr. Stewart was prepared to use it on the young man and that the said young man would never have to worry about inappropriate behavior with other women in his future!

My young Emily already knows that as soon as I can make arrangements with a certain friend of mine, Mike, who works at a hardware store that does indeed deal with castration tools like the one mentioned above back in Adairsville, Georgia , where I come from, I will get one shipped to me, I will get one. I am also going to find out where I can get a tee-shirt custom printed with the prominent title, "The Castrator!", I will get one to wear for appropriate occasions. Naturally, is horrified at the very idea that I will do this, but tough! I WILL make sure that she doesn't get entangled with the wrong kind of young man which can and most likely will lead to very unpleasant permanent results in HER life!

Rebecca and I are also going to try our level best to teach her that not to settle for second best when it comes to young men; that she should hold them to very high standards. I am of the belief that if all young women did this, the young men would respond by start living to the higher standards demanded by the young women. But we all know that there are many young women who either don't care about high standards because they don't high standards themselves or because they have very poor self-esteem and will simply get into a relationship with any young man who is willing to show her attention. This saddens me greatly! Our societies have done a most terrible job instilling into our young girls good self-esteems!!! The same can also be said of many young men too. I can attest to this personally because I have always struggled with self-esteem problems. My most dear wife, Rebecca has become one of the most powerful medicines God has chosen to help this area of my life!

Reverend Dr. Allen Stewart has given me permission to share with father interested in learning more about how to improve their relationships with their daughters three Power Point Presentations. Because he has invested a lot of time in research, personal learning with his own daughters and in preparing the presentations, he only asks that he be given credit whenever they are shared with others! I think this is only fair. If you would like copies of these presentations, please contact me and I will share them with you.